Russell

You see this kid?  I love this kid.  He has the BEST smile.  It seriously melts my heart every time he shows it to me.  I think it is a combination of his small, tight teeth, the light in his eyes, and of course, that dimple.  Russell has a very tender heart.  He is cautious.  It doesn't take much for him to become wary of a situation or a person.  Having to do something out of his comfort zone is the worst thing for him (which is why he still isn't potty trained, but that is a whole other post).  He loves to be held.  He loves to have others play with him.  Hearing "no" to something he really wants will send him to the floor in devastation.  He also loves to tease.  Sometimes he will do something that he knows is semi-naughty, but he'll give a bit of a smile in hopes that it will save him from being disciplined. It often does.  He loves to be funny, and even though sometimes he isn't actually that funny, it is still good to hear him laugh.  I know in some ways, he is a little more self-conscious than most kids. He needs a lot more attention than his sister.  He is a momma's boy through and through.  But he is precious and he is mine.

We recently took him to the dentist for a six-month checkup.  We've been taking him regularly and he never had a problem, so you can imagine my shock when the dentist told me he had THIRTEEN cavities.  THIRTEEN!  And they are bad ones too.  Ones that are going to require pulpotomies (like root canals for baby teeth) and caps and sedation.  And I feel horrible.  I feel horrible because we weren't flossing.  We were only brushing once a day, and since Russell usually had to be tackled down somewhere to get the brushing done, we hadn't been using fluoride toothpaste either.  And Russell is a grazer.  And sugar's biggest fan.  His absolute favorite things are candy and soda.  And though I don't usually keep either of those things in the house, he still has fruit snacks, and he still grazes all. day. long.

We went to the pediatric dentist this morning for a consult.  I left in tears and find myself blurry-eyed about every five minutes.  I am so mad that I didn't know this was coming.  I would have flossed!  I would have switched his toothpaste!  I would have made him drink water after he ate to rinse his mouth out a little!  So many things I would have done.  But I didn't know.  I didn't know that the combination of his grazing and the particular mix of bacteria in his mouth would essentially ruin his teeth at the ripe old age of three.  I mean, some of his teeth he hasn't even had for more than a few years!  I didn't know that this was going to cost us thousands of dollars to fix.  More than it cost to bring him into this world.  And though that is devastating, I think the thing that makes me the saddest, is that his smile isn't ever going to be the same.

I know that he will still be the same kid inside.  His personality won't change.  But somehow it seems, that if his smile changes, which is my absolute most favorite thing about him, that in some way he will be changed.  I feel like part of him is broken and it is my fault.  The dentist was very nice and told me I wasn't the only mother to go through this.  He said we live and learn and that we can now make sure that Owen doesn't have the same thing happen to him.  And at least they are baby teeth.  At least we get a chance to do it over.

But for now, I'm sad.  I'm sad he has to go through this.  I'm sad that when he opens his mouth wide for that big laugh he loves to laugh, that you will be able to see man-made artificial metal instead of white, innocent little teeth.  I guess you could say that I'm mourning a little.  Or a lot.  He's still my baby in so many ways.