Turning 30

It happened.  I turned thirty.  It is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it.  Maybe I wouldn't care so much if I didn't look like I was thirty.  When I look at my freshly-washed face--a face that used to look just fine with nothing on it--I can't help but despair at the loose, porous skin, the dark patches above my eyelids, or the ever-feared wrinkles around my eyes and mouth.  To top it all off, I have a fantastic case of pregnancy acne and a small rash on the left side of my upper lip.  And let's not even get started with what is going on underneath my clothes!

On the flip side of turning thirty, I feel that I am a much better person that I was when I turned twenty.  The last decade held so many learning opportunities for me as I went from student to missionary, newlywed to mother.  It was an endless decade of growth where I've learned to be more generous, less judgmental, more passionate in loving my growing family, and more confident with myself.  I've learned that I actually don't like to scrapbook, play basketball, and a host of other things I found myself doing just because my friends do.  I've learned that I would much rather read a book than accomplish anything else, I prefer to run by myself, and that I don't miss my kids while they are in school.  And that is just fine by me!  Though I do miss the agility, energy, and flawless complexion of my early twenties, I do enjoy feeling that I am closer to discovering who I am supposed to be.

Now, wouldn't it be great if our inner accomplishments had physical manifestations?  What if every time I learned to be more grateful or more generous, my skins glowed a little more?  What if every time I treated my children and husband the way they deserved, I'd feel more fit and energetic? Of course, there are a host of moral problems with such a phenomenon.  How many of us would try to fake our way to beauty?  Or how many of us would try to do those things so that others wouldn't know our ugly insides?  It wouldn't work, but it would be nice if there were an easier way for women to enjoy aging and becoming.  I guess the true fault comes in the way our society worships beauty and sexuality over womanhood and character.  How grateful I am for the knowledge of the gospel and what really matters in the heart of a woman!

And while I am bound to despise those wrinkles and pores (I really just can't help it), I will try to look on my thirty years as a great accomplishment and hope that the next decade proves as fruitful!  To all my thirty-something (or soon to be) friends, here's to us!

Resolved? Not This Year!

For the past two years I have made New Year's Resolutions and posted them here for the world (or the three people who actually read my blog) to see.  And you know what?  I've done pretty well.  The first year I accomplished all but one (not eating treats) and last year I got all but three (cut sugar--I should just give up on that one, blog weekly--only nine posts all year!, and temple monthly--though I did go a little more often).

But this year, I'm not doing ANY.  Though there are certainly things I could work on.  I could just rewrite the goals about the temple, cutting sugar, and blogging more often.  I could also really use a good pep talk on being organized and doing more housework.  As I sit here, I can see the cheese crumbs on the counter from the nachos I made last night along with two apple cores that have long since turned brown.  On my desk in front of me are piles of coupons I cut out days ago and have yet to put into my coupon organizer.  That is how we have rolled as of late.  I drag myself out of bed, do a lot of talking to get myself to complete even a twenty minute workout (a few months ago I was doing 60-90 minute workouts everyday!), and take naps.  I can feel my waistline growing, my energy depleting, and I'm sure my kids think I am the most boring person on the planet.  That, or the one who yells the most.

But, even with all this, I still refuse to do it.  I refuse to do anything but survive this little math problem I've got going.  I've always been good at math, but this one is overwhelming.  And I figure it is going to take over my life all year long in one way or another.  So that is the only thing I'm willing to focus on as I forge into this new year.  See for yourself:

See my problem?  Little Bundle is due July 15 so I figure it will be 2013 before I get my act back together.  You'll just have to excuse me until then!

Word

• Word.  I'm thinking this might be a better title than "My Weary Mind" for my random column.  Whatchya think?
• Word.  This peanut-butter chocolate chip cookie recipe I found is life-altering--and absolutely waist-altering as well.  It makes a lot of cookies though so go on: brave up, make them, and then freeze a few for later (betchya it won't be much later though).
• Many nights I lay in bed and come up with the most fantastic thoughts.  They are usually profound, well-thought out, funny, insightful, and totally blog-worthy.  However, if you think I am going to get up, ruin that delicious, drowsy feeling that will eventually lead to a blissful sleep, and go write them down, you are out of your mind.  In the morning I can't for the life of me remember what those thoughts were--at all. And that is why you will find a lack of funny, insightful thoughts in this post.
• I think I may have discovered a solution to all our political and governmental problems: let's pay politicians the same salary that we pay our teachers!  Then the only people who would actually want to participate in politics would be people who were there for the right reasons: to represent the people, make the rights choices, and make a difference.  
• I totally scored at Old Navy the other day.  I got a pair of capris for THREE dollars.  Wahoo!  Maybe I should've looked at more clearance stuff.  
• The Vegas Ragnar is this week.  I am so not in shape for this race.  I ran six miles yesterday and it was WORK.  I think I need to retire.
• My little man looks adorable in his blanket sleepers.  However, his new found sense of independence is not so adorable.  He thinks he can pour milk, squeeze toothpaste, and cross the street all by himself-- or "elf" as he likes to say.
• Business trips are a bummer!  They bum me out because I have to wrangle the kiddos knowing there is no back-up coming at 5:30, I have to go to bed alone, and there is no one to help me eat the leftovers.  But I'm pretty sure it bums Chad out too.  Who wants to go to Fargo, North Dakota (where the average temperature is like 45 degrees), eat dinner with a little, old Hispanic woman you hardly know, and finish your day in one of Hampton Inn's finest hotel rooms?
• Word!

My Weary Mind

I've thought, "I need to post on my blog" a thousand times over the past few weeks.  Now I have a big list of things I was going to post about so I think I am going to steal an idea from one of my neighbors.  She frequently does a post on her blog called "My Random Thoughts" which is hilarious.  She puts all her little thoughts that she wants to share in a bulleted list and I love reading it.  So I thought I would try something a little like that, but since I'm not as witty as her and a bit more apt to complain, I thought I would call it "My Weary Mind".  We'll see how it goes:

• I was going to post about my half marathon (which I loved and did really well in), but I'm sick of posting about races.  I do want to remember forever though (even though I didn't get a picture) the image of my kids sitting in camp chairs in their pajamas ringing cow bells for me as I ran past.  Loved that!
• The weekend before the half, we went to the Uintahs camping and I did mean to post about that.  Russell was a STINKER the whole time (he was sick so I guess I can't blame him), but I did get some really good pictures:

(Russell saying "Noooo!"  Pretty much the mood of the entire trip)

• Chad's grandma passed away two weeks ago so we got to have his family get together.  I love his family so even though we were gathering for a sad reason, at least we got to gather.  I got to have all his sisters over all day Friday.  Russell LOVED his baby cousins.  

• We went to Bear Lake with our neighbors yesterday.  I love Bear Lake and my neighbors rock.  Does your entire neighborhood plan all-day outings together??  Mine does!
• Now for the "Weary Mind" part.  I have not been able to enjoy my job as of late.  I find myself having to play referee between the WWF-like war going on between my two children.  And all this when I am trying to decide if it is time for another baby, I find myself asking instead if I want any more babies at all--ever!
• Since we continue the WWF-war like behavior in Sacrament meeting as well, I think it would be nice if we had a nursery for that particular hour until kids are approximately the age of 12.  I actually think that our Sundays are so terrible right now because we have 1:00 church.  We all sit at home bored all morning, getting on each other's nerves; by time we are sitting in the chapel, we can no longer handle each other's company and the tired, restless children in such a close-quarters, keep-quiet situation.
• My summer has been incredibly busy.  Though I do not look forward to winter--I do look forward to having a lighter schedule.  If only I could keep the warm weather as well.
• We are driving to Phoenix over Labor Day weekend.  I think the drive might do my nerves in, but we will see.  We leave in less than ten days in which time I have to go to the eye doctor, get Lydia's hair cut, buy her school clothes, get Chad's car taken in for safety & emissions so we can register it, buy Chad's birthday present, buy Russell's birthday presents, get Chad into the family doctor for more asthma meds, run a four-mile race, attempt visiting teaching (probably not), have dinner with our good friends, have a primary presidency meeting, put in the maximum triathlon training for my race on Sept. 10, grocery shop, and pack.  So I probably won't be posting until after our trip.
• Will someone please remind me to take my camera on this trip?  Never has my camera seen so much of the inside of our cabinet and missed so many fun summer activities!!
• And indeed a random thought: Aren't you so glad that germs are invisible?  I mean think what life would be like if we could see the germs roaming around on the things we use everyday: keyboards, cell phone, dishrags, counter tops, and even our own skin.  We'd constantly be bathing, soaking, scrubbing, and emptying the store shelves of bleach.  But "out of sight, out of mind," and gratefully.

Running Ragnar

Chad and I have always wanted to run Ragnar.  It is a grueling relay race that runs along the Wasatch Back from Logan, UT to Park City, UT--a total distance of 192 miles.  A team of 12 will each take three legs.  The first six teammates will ride in Van 1 and run the first six legs, then Van 2 will jump in and run the next six.  Then the process starts again.  Chad was runner 11 and I was runner 12 so we were in Van 2.  We headed to Eden, UT around 2 p.m. on Friday afternoon to meet up with our first van of runners.  The first four teammates in our van got to run flat, easy legs through Eden and Huntsville.  And then it was our turn.  Chad took off on a relentless 3.2 mile climb up Trapper's Loop.  For those of you not familiar with the area, the only way to describe it is straight up! Here he is on his first take off:

  

And look how relaxed he is while beating up this hill:

He made the climb and handed off to me at our first exchange:

And then it was my turn.  I had to run 4.7 miles along the hill that continued straight up to Snow Basin ski resort.  While preparing for this race, this was the climb I was most nervous about--especially with my injuries.

I know I am not very big in this photo.  I'm the bright yellow dot, but this picture is the only one that even gives a hint to how steep this thing was.  But I conquered!  I was able to run the entire time and then for the last mile I got to cruise downhill for a good way and then finish off with another hill at the end to throw down a 8:50 mile for my last mile.  I ended up loving this leg and by the end of the race could easily say that it was my favorite.

After I ran, it was time to eat and rest while the other half of our team ran.  We just happened to be in Morgan, UT--my native land so I knew where to take my team for a great sub and then we headed to Chad's mom's house to try to catch some sleep before our next leg.  As is always the story, the men slept soundly for two hours and the women tossed and turned the entire time.  By 1:50 a.m. it was time for us to be up and at our next exchange.  I wasn't estimated to run again until 6 a.m. and was a little disgruntled that I couldn't just stay and sleep.  But that is all part of running the Ragnar so Chad and I sat in the car and supported our team all through the cold night.  He started running around 5 a.m. and I took off for my 6.9 mile once-again-uphill run around 6:15.  The one good thing about it is that it was light enough by then that I didn't have to wear the headlamp and buttlight.

My 6.9 miles felt pretty long.  I felt like if I saw one more hill I was going to go mad.  The course finally turned downhill for the last mile, but by then I had a searing pain across the top of my right quad and was fairly hobbling into the finish line.  When I finally got there at a time of 1:08 I had to wait an extra four minutes for our next runner to get to the exchange.  Apparently they got more rest than we did!

Me after finishing my night run.  I look pretty chipper, eh?  After that we went and got a shower (the best two dollars I ever spent) and some rest on the lawn of a school in Heber, Utah.  After a good nap, I felt like I was ready to run.  Unfortunately the first half of our team wasn't doing so hot and we had to wait for at least one guy to walk an 8 mile leg.  We were there FOREVER!  We finally got going around one p.m. for our last leg. Our team had to tackle the most wicked hill of the entire race up over Guardsmen Pass.  It covers parts of three legs and is so steep you could probably reach out and touch the ground because you have to lean into the hill so much.  Our first guy ran/walked his 3.2 miles up the hill and then our best runner cruised up his 4 mile section and actually ended up taking 10th place overall on his time up this hill.  He was a beauty to behold while running.  He had finished a marathon in 2:53 the weekend before and could run easy six minute miles on his easier legs.  He is the guy standing next to me in the picture below:

When he got to the top, Chad was actually a bit further up the hill using the port-a-john so he kept on cruising up until he could meet Chad.  Chad continued to run uphill for a bit.  

As you can see in the picture, there was a ton of snow up there.  I think the Ragnar officials had gotten that road cleared just a few days before the race.  We were HIGH!  Chad finished off the hill in about half a mile and then ran steeply downhill for 7.2 miles to meet me at the last exchange. (Chad likes the above picture because he looks so honkey-dorey and the girl he had just passed looks absolutely dejected.)

He came sailing down that last part to the exchange and handed me the baton (actually a slap bracelet):

By this time, I had been sitting in the car for hours while the others ran and I had developed a bowling ball in my stomach from all the food I had eaten that hadn't digested.  It was rather warm out, and I knew I was in for it.  I had to run 7.3 miles into the finish.  When I signed up for the race my leg was only supposed to be 5 miles or so, but they ended up rearranging at the last minute and made it significantly longer.  I had to run up a huge hill from the get go and then was met by a very steep, rocky, rutted ATV trail to run back down before hitting a walking trail for a few miles.  I was holding it together okay considering the weight of my guts at that point until I came up over the crest of the hill and all of a sudden I could see a trail of runners for miles as they snaked up around a mountain. I wanted to cry as I realized that I would have no choice but to follow them.  So I creeped along, running like an old woman.  And when I came back around the other side of that mountain I was appalled to discover that it was all a big, freaking LOOP!  They had added all that mileage just to make sure that the teams would have time to get to the finish line before their last runners came in.  Now for some teams that may have been an issue, but not for me so I was not happy to have had to have run all that.  And finally I hit one more hill and then got to run downhill into the finish line.  I was one big body cramp by then and was running very short strides just wishing that finish line to be around the corner.  And finally it was there:

I came in, met my team, and we all ran under the huge Ragnar finish line together. Finally!  I ran that monster leg in 1:17 which was a miracle for how crappy I felt and how many times I walked up hills.  I managed to pose for a few pictures before heading home.

On the way home, I was holding on to a barf bag and urgently spent some quality time in the bathroom for the rest of the evening.  I was DEAD!  Luckily we got to sleep in until eleven the next morning since my mom still had our kids.  I was so sore!  Holy cow.  But even just a few days later I was ready to do it all again.  Except I will never run leg 12 again.  Besides it being honestly one of the toughest legs of the entire race, it just sucks to have to wait all day to run.  I think I would really like to try leg 8 or maybe even check out some of the first six legs that go in the other van.  I also really liked running with Chad who did amazing--especially since he only trained for a few weeks.  It isn't fair how fast boys' bodies can kick it into gear.  I have been training for months!  But it was fun and I proudly say that I ran Ragnar.  And not just Ragnar, but leg 12.  I've talked to a lot of other runners who also ran that leg and they all say that it was majorly tough so I'm not just tooting my own horn here.  I mean 18.9 miles in 24 hours in and of itself it pretty amazing, but when you consider that 80% of those miles were uphill......what can I say except, "Go me!"  And "Bring on the half!" (That alludes to the half marathon I'm running in July--I think I can handle it after what Ragnar put me through. I hope.)

Dang peas!

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.  No.  Seriously grumpy all. day. long.  What makes us start out days like that, I wonder?  Because I'm pretty sure I was grumpy even before Lydia got crayon on my couch and before Russell spilled my $15 night cream all over the carpet in the hallway.  Yes, I was ornery even before Russell wouldn't take his nap and grumpy still even after mine.

Then it was time for dinner.  Spaghetti and meatballs.  Luckily the meatballs were frozen leftovers from awhile ago so all I really had to do was cook some noodles and warm up the meat and sauce.  Wonderful.  And then I had to pick a side.  We're completely out of fresh vegetables right now so I decided we would have to have frozen peas.  My kids like peas; I, however, not so much.  And in my current state of mind I thought, "I'm not going to even eat these dang peas!"

Unfortunately, I remembered something our Sunday school teacher had said in class a few weeks ago.  The lesson was on the word of wisdom and he was talking about a healthful diet.  He said he always had to eat his vegetables growing up even under force.  Most of the time he didn't mind them except when he had to eat peas.  To his surprise, he recently found out that his mother also detests peas.  He couldn't believe it.  He'd seen her eat thousands of peas over the years and he never once knew she was eating them to be an example to her children, not because she liked peas.

As I pondered this, I felt a little guilty.  Funny that I had been not-nice-at-all to my children all day long and the thing that made me feel guilty was the thought of making them eat their peas while I ate none.  "I'm still not eating any." I thought.

We sat down to dinner and I found that I had robotically scooped peas onto my plate without really thinking about it.

I ate them.  But only a few.

God's Work

Over the weekend, our stake had a two-day women's conference.  It was wonderful.  I received so many insights and renewed energy of spirit. One of the things I've decided I want to work on is this blog.  I want to post more often, and I want to post more thought-provoking...ahem...thoughts.  I often think I should blog, but then think that I have nothing to blog about.  Yet, while I was in college I had to have 1500 words written every week for just one of my classes, and I always found something.  I remember always having my eyes open and being more aware of the world around me so that I wouldn't miss the opportunity to be inspired to write.

Well, I'm starting today.  I had an "aha" moment in church yesterday (see, I told ya the ball was rolling).  Here is what I learned:

The lesson was on work.  Well, it was more about loving your work, which, face it, when it comes to mopping the floor, I'm not always on board with loving it.  But as most of you know, my work is that of a full-time mom which means diapers, messes, laundry, potty accidents, and endless hours preparing food, serving food, and cleaning up food.

We all know how the world tends to view stay-at-home motherhood.  It gets a big thumbs down.  They say it isn't fulfilling to the woman, it doesn't use her talents, it doesn't allow her to make her own money, or have her own career, or be all that she can be.  I realized yesterday that the world is missing a huge part of the equation when it comes to moms.  We have a scripture that the world doesn't have and this scripture holds the key to what it is really all about.  Mosiah 2:17 in the Book of Mormon reads:

When you are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

Well, aren't my children and my husband my fellow beings?  You bet they are.  So everything I do to serve them, also serves God and that means that what I do all day, everyday (for the most part. I'm not sure my avid novel-reading counts) is God's work!  That is what the world doesn't see.  They don't see stinky diapers and long nights with sick children as God's work.  They see it as stifling drudgery.  Admittedly, it isn't very pretty a lot of the time.  They see women walking around with snot all over their shirts and think "count me out," so we can see why it would be easy for the world not to recognize the Godly side of it.  But the world also misses those precious moments when your children smile at you, say a new word, reach for your hand, or come to you for comfort.  And those moments make it absolutely worth it all.

If you ever finding yourself wondering if there is something more out there, something more important, or more fulfilling, just remember that what you do is God's work and no one can do that for your family the way you can!

"Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that the power it work is a blessing, that the love of work is success" (President David O. McKay)

Resolved....Again

(the view out my front window)

Is it too late to write about New Year's Resolutions?  Probably, but I will anyway.  I wrote about them last year, and I did so well achieving them (all but the one about only eating treats only once a week--yeah right) that I thought maybe blogging about them would help me bring this year's resolutions to pass as well.  So here are a few:

1. Attend the temple monthly.  This one is possible now only because we formed a baby-sitting co-op with some of our neighbors for Friday nights (which is absolutely wonderful and highly recommended).  However, it is January 25th, and I haven't been yet.

2.  Cut sugar.  I say this one every year.  I'm convinced that if I cut sugar out of my diet I could possibly be a size six.  It is just so dang hard!  I LOVE dessert.  What can I say.  But I have to keep it in mind.

3.  Increase my social life.  I have wonderful friends, but many of them live too far away for me to see them often.  The older I get, and the more I stay at home with my kids, the more I realize that I need social activity--the more the better.  Luckily I have great neighbors so I will strive to make friends with them until we can be the kind that hang out during the day--hopefully a lot.

4.   Train diligently for races.  I am already signed up for the Ragnar Relay-Wasatch Back.  I'm planning on signing up for the Echo triathlon and possibly the first-ever half marathon to be held in my hometown of Morgan, UT.  That does equal a LOT of running.  More than I've ever done in my whole life.  But now is the time.

5.  Get my house decorated.  We've been living in this house for over six months and it still isn't decorated.  We've made great strides in the living room just in the last week.  There is still so much to do.  I think I finally know what I want.  Unfortunately, it also takes money to decorate--a definite hindrance.  But these blank walls are stressing me out!

6.  Get Lydia potty-trained!  I know this goal requires her cooperation too.  That's what I'm worried about.  She is 3 years and 3 months old and has absolutely no interest in potty training.  Her doctor told me not to bother if she isn't interested, but holy cow!  She's going to be five before she gets interested!  It definitely has me a little worried even though a few friends have told me to relax.  They say when she's ready it will only take two days.  I'm really, really hoping......

Now the problem with some of these resolutions is that it is three weeks into the New Year and I have yet to start working on some of them.  Especially the sugar and the training.  I do workout regularly and still attend my swim class, but running?  Haven't done a lot of that.  Some of that I blame on the winter.  Who wants to run outside when it is only 28 degrees?  But I figure that New Year's resolutions are goals for the entire year.  I've got some time, don't I?

Um....It's August?

Where have we been all summer?  Well, it all began when we bought this:

A cute little rambler that took months and months to find.  Our house hunting adventure was ridiculous.  We probably toured almost 70 houses in person and we looked at over 1,500 online.  And then it all came together.  A house within our price range with a reasonable commute to Chad's work, in a decent neighborhood that met our MUST-HAVES list (well, except another half-bath upstairs would have been nice).  And there you go.  We found it, offered, and three weeks later, signed our lives away.

For two weeks, we really got to enjoy ourselves:

 I loved playing outside with the kiddos when the temperature would cool a bit.  I thought, "This is why we wanted a house."  And I already feel quite a bit of affection for our house even though it isn't exactly my dream house. 

And then it was time for my boys to get down and DIRTY....

(If you'll notice his completely black feet...

...and Chad is COVERED in insulation dust in this picture)

All because we decided to do this:

Though it is looking better now, it is definitely still a project in the works.  We have a long way to go.  Meanwhile, every second of Chad's time has gone to working on the kitchen.  We still have boxes to unpack and pictures to hang, but all is on hold for now.  We are really hoping to be painting by the first part of September.  Cross your fingers. 

Even though the house has literally taken over our lives, we did manage to squeeze in just a little bit of summer fun:

We also got to go to Bear Lake for four days with Chad's family.  SUPER fun and will be featured in a future post (I hope).  And just last week, I decided to train for a triathlon that will be on September 11th.  That's right, I have only a month to train so I've definitely been busy too. 

The kids are growing fast.  Lydia loves playing in the front yard (I think especially because I'd prefer her to play in the back) and Russell is getting really good at standing and stuffing his face just like a teenage boy.  They'll both be having birthdays in the next two months and I can hardly believe how fast they've grown.  I still struggle with motherhood, but I must say that my kids are pretty dang cute (most of the time).

And that is our summer.  Well, most of it.

Five Guys

Yesterday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and continued the pity party all morning.  At 11:00 everyone was bathed, dressed, and fed and we had an hour to kill before lunch.  Russell was ornery but didn't want to sleep and since I definitely wasn't in the mood to entertain we headed to Target with no real purpose other than to buy me a bottle of nail polish.

I tried to enjoy browsing the store, but Lydia's deaf ears to my persistent warnings about opening the bottle of nail polish definitely interrupted.  Carrying on my pity party, I decided I would at least splurge on a treat for myself and sneakily eat it during the kids' nap time.  However, the bakery at Target's didn't have anything I wanted.  Or maybe they did, but I can't ignore the nutritional labels they put on their desserts--I'd rather just not know.  So being just a little ways from a delicious little cake store called "Nothing Bundt Cakes" I got a harebrained notion, loaded up the kids and drove there ignoring the motherly instinct that told me I should just go home.

We crossed the insanely busy parking lot (me pushing a stroller with one hand and dragging Lydia with the other as we ran) and I again thought, "Why am I here by myself with both kids in one of the busiest lunchtime areas in the city?"  But the lure of that delicious cake kept me walking.  I acquired the piece of chocolate heaven I wanted.  And just as we were walking out, Lydia started to tantrum at the same time that I realized Five Guys was just next door.  Before she could get very far and before I thought it all the way through I said, "Should we get some fries?"  Tantrum solved.

I didn't get three feet into Five Guys before I knew it was a mistake.  The restaurant is always crowded and resides in a building that is smaller than my apartment.  Russell's stroller got caught and banged against every pole, chair, and table as I struggled through.  I enjoyed my burger, but was annoyed I'd forgot to order a cheeseburger and thanked heaven that Lydia was content with her fries.  And then it was time to leave.  I had to ask two men to completely stand up from their chairs and tuck them in so I could get Russell's stroller through, then I had to ask another kid to move his chair from the aisle, and since my struggle was so completely obvious, another guy held open the swinging garbage can lid for me and another held open the door as I tripped through.  I felt more like I had tried to run the gauntlet than simply walk out of a restaurant.  I was a little embarrassed and thankful at the same time when the last guy helping me said, "Hang in there."  It made my nose and eyes sting as I suddenly fought tears and the desire to live someone else's life just for awhile.  Three thoughts crossed my mind, I brought this on myself, what was I thinking, and I need a good cry.  Five guys (really) just had to help me leave Five Guys (the restaurant).  Thank you! Sigh.

After all that, I got home feeling so full of grease and bun that I knew I wouldn't enjoy my cake the way I would've if I just listened to my motherly voice, come home, and eaten the over healthy, homemade vegetable soup I had planned on eating that day.  I had made my little treat feel more guilty than pleasure.

That is why, today, we are staying home.

Ordinary Pleasures

Life as a stay-at-home mom is...well, interesting to say the least. One minute I'm ready to give my kids away, change my name, and move to Mexico. The next I'm lovingly looking at my kids and wondering how I got to be so blessed. It's funny how ordinary pleasures of everyday life can seem so extraordinary when the moment is right. Here are a few of mine:


Little man outfits...


Impromptu lunch-time birthday celebrations and a gift that will further my attempts at domesticity.....


Little boys after their baths....


Little boys' faces after rice cereal.....


Looking forward to days when I can use my new stroller and get started on my athletic ambitions....

Walking with your hands in your pockets.....

Awesome aunts and uncle......

Pianists......

Riding side saddle.......

Oh, yeah, that rice thing again.....

And cell phone cases that hook to your belt (or pajamas, in this case.......get it? case?)

Isn't life grand?

Resolved

It's a lazy Sunday Afternoon. Why Chad is the one taking a nap when I'm the one who hasn't slept through the night in over four months is a conundrum. But since I'm awake I thought I'd share the fact that I actually made New Year's resolutions this year and I actually wrote them down.

Here are a few:

1. Eat treats only 1-2 times a week instead of that many times or more a day.
2. Participate in a triathlon
3. Go on as many vacations as we can possibly afford. Camping counts and Chad and I will make it to California for our 5-year anniversary without our children (do or die on that one).
4. Buy a house (we hope!) or at least get out of this cramped apartment.

Let the games begin! And here are a few new pictures of my super cute kids. This first one of Russell is my most favorite I've ever taken of him so far.

Revelation

It’s peacefully quiet in my house. For the second day in a row, Lydia has taken a nap—and willingly. We’ve had major struggles with this lately. And it isn’t just that she won’t nap. It’s that missing her nap makes a complete difference in everything about her, her health, her attitude, her eating, and her night sleep.

It all came to a head last Sunday when she refused to nap. She was an unbearable wreck by 5:00 pm. She fell asleep in my arms at 6:30 and we put her in bed though it was an hour early. But she woke up at 2:30 in the morning and refused to go to bed. She didn’t just defy us, but she let out ear-splitting screams that left us with nothing to do but get her up—angrily.

All that night, I pondered on what I could change in our lives, in the way I take care of her, that would help her sleep. You can’t just sit down with a two-year old and explain why she needs to sleep.

And then it came: the revelation.

Lydia needed attention. I needed to fill her love tank. If you are familiar with The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you know what I am talking about. We all have a love language and we need to be spoken to in that language to feel loved. Lydia’s language is Quality Time. So is mine. You’d think that would work out perfectly, but it doesn’t. You see, my quality time means I just need you around, but I don’t necessarily need your attention. Just be in the same room with me and we’re good. Lydia on the other hand needs 100% of your attention. When you give it to her, she might as well be in Care-a-Lot surrounded by all that is perfect and loving.

So I’ve made it a point to give her an HOUR of my undivided attention each morning. We go in her room and I am all hers. Granted, it isn’t as easy as it sounds mostly because Russell hasn’t quite got the knack of a “schedule” down. But I’ve made it work so far. It’s hard not to want to reach for my cell phone, go change the laundry, or whatever else is on my to-do list. But I make the effort and we just play. And so far, it is working!

I realized that I needed to change my focus. I needed to make my day about my kids. And not about me taking care of kids. I’ve savored the peace and quiet that has come from this. I hope it lasts.

My Blog is Boring

That's all.

Gestating

Doesn’t that sound like it should be something gross like festering or infectious? Maybe that isn’t even a correct form of the word, but no, it’s what babies do before they are born. It’s a process so miraculous and beautiful, or is it? Our little boy has been gestating now for 36 ½ weeks--it feels like fifty. I sympathize with the elephant who gestates for almost two years and then gives birth to a baby that weighs anywhere between 220 and 330 pounds!! Too bad we aren’t more like dogs (whose gestation is 9 weeks) or rabbits (just over a month!) Wouldn’t it be so much easier to have babies that way? Maybe that is why dogs and rabbits procreate so much more than humans—not that I would want that many offspring!

This pregnancy seemed to be so much better than my first—in the beginning. I wasn’t nearly as sick, and since I was a lot busier the time went faster. Until I hit 30 weeks. I don’t know what changed, but at 30 weeks the clock stopped. The last seven weeks have felt like an eternity and it seems the next three will be just as long. Maybe it’s because I’m so much bigger this time, or that it is undeniably summer, or that this guy kicks me like he thinks he is a Brazilian soccer player.

I told Chad I feel like a walking contradiction. I want this baby to be born so I can have my body and he can have his. But then I remember the sleep deprivation, the painful nursing, the endless diapers and feedings, and I think do I really want that to start just yet? Especially since Lydia is still so young and dependent on me? But then I can’t wait to see what he looks like and hold his tiny, brand-new body. I want the next three weeks to go quickly, but I want to savor the time I have left for it to be just Lydia and me—just the two of us. So, you see what I mean?

Here I am just a few weeks ago at 35 weeks pregnant:



Here is me the week I delivered Lydia--that's 40 weeks for those of you who need that little help:


Althought the angle isn't quite the same, no one can say that I’m not bigger with this baby. My doctor has the measurements to prove it!

So while I wait for this baby and try to live until then without wishing away my time, here are a few best and worst of pregnancies in my opinion:

Best things about being pregnant:
1. You don’t have to fast!
2. No periods
3. You can quit worrying about your waistline. So you look fat, at least you can blame it on being pregnant!
4. You can sweetly ask your husband to do stuff you normally do like clean the bathtub!
5. You are TOTALLY justified in taking a nap everyday!
6. Feeling the baby move, seeing ultrasounds and hearing the heartbeat. You realize you really are creating life!

Worst things about being pregnant:
1. Morning sickness (luckily that goes away).
2. Trying to roll over in bed at night because it requires an 80-point turn and must be done every 30 minutes to relieve sore sides!
3. Back aches, leg cramps, round ligament pain that feels like someone just stabbed you, etc.
4. Immobility in general. Try getting off the floor, out of bed, out of a low car, out of a low chair, through a tight space, etc. It ain’t the same (and yes, I just used the word "ain't")!
5. The absolute exhaustion! It’s not the “Oh, I’m tired” that most people speak of on a daily basis; it is the woofy I-feel-like-I’ve-been-hit-by-a-train kinda tired that never seems to go away not matter how good you sleep or how long you nap.
6. When feeling the baby move turns into getting the junk kicked out of you from the inside!
7. The lack-luster wardrobe. Especially when the maternity clothes you wore with your first pregnancy don't quite cover your belly by the end of the second.

I’m sure I could go on, but I’ll stop there. Hopefully we’ll have a post a beautiful baby boy no longer than three weeks away!

Blogging Blahs??

I look at my blog almost daily and think to myself, "I really need to update, but what?" Yesterday, I started thinking that I should have something to write about because I've actually been quite busy. In the last eight days, I've made dinner for other people FIVE times, I hosted book club, took Lydia to the doctor twice, went to the eye doctor, we had New Beginnings in Young Women's, I set up for and attended a wedding, got all my visiting teaching done by the ninth, and several other things. And yet, none of that sounds very interesting to discuss. The weather definitely plays with my mood as well. Some days it is teasingly warm and I'm ready to pull out capri pants and sandals, but other days it is dastardly wintery. Today it is just gloomy.

Thankfully Lydia keeps us entertained. She has learned a few new words including my favorite, "nigh, nigh." Lydia likes to go to bed (which I love) and so she says this often. She can also say a version of thank you, more, all done, peek-a-boo, cheese, doggie, ball, and rock,rock though some words she says more often than others. She knows what a doggie says and will bark on command if you ask her, and she recently learned where her nose is and gives it a good pinch when we ask her to find it. She has also learned to say, "No!" and she gets this threathening scowl on her face. This has developed only in the last few days and I can tell it isn't going to be my favorite thing. But at least she is growing and learning. She is almost always happy and tons of fun.


Ever the face-maker, here Lydia is all ready for church with her hair done up in curls.


She found the mud at the park on one of those just-thawed days and loved it!


And here we are at the same park a different day. We take advantage of weather that reaches above forty and head to the park. I especially loved her pig-tails that day. Her hair is starting to get long enough in the back for me to pull all of her hair up. What a cutie!